Selasa, 13 Desember 2011

the holiday movie script

The Holiday Manuscript

Irish
I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true.  Shakespeare said, ''Journeys end in lovers meeting. '' What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that...but I'm more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should I'm constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.</i> It was Shakespeare who also said, ''Love is blind. '' Now, that is something I know to be true. For some, quite inexplicably... Love fades. For others...love is simply lost. But then, of course, love can also be found. Even if just for the night. And then there's another kind of love. The cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims.  It's called unrequited love. Of that, I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories? Those of us who fall in love alone. We are the victims of the one-sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones. The walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space. Yes, you are looking at onesuch individual. And I have willingly loved...that man for over three miserable years. The absolute worst years of my life.  The worst Christmases, the worst birthdays, New Year's Eves brought in by tears and Valium. These years I've been in love have been the darkest days of my life....all because I'm cursed by being in love with a man who does not...and will not love me back. Oh, God, just the sight of him. Heart pounding, throat thickening, absolutely can't swallow.

Irish
All the usual symptoms.
Irish’s friend
Oh, Jasper.
Don't tell me you're still

Irish
No, no, no, that's over. Very over.
Irish’s friend
What's the story with you two anyway?
You were shagging him, weren't you?
Irish  
More importantly, l was in love with him, truth be known.
Irish’s friend
Then you found out he was shagging that drip from Circulation.
Irish
Which is when l stopped shagging him.
Irish’s friend
We shouldn't be talking about this at the office party. But l always see you two together.
He cheated on you, but you stayed friends?
Irish
l was head over heels, you know?
Everyone knew.
Irish
Does it look like l'm crying right now?
Irish’s friend
No, no, no. No, it just looks like it's the smoke from my cigarette. Did he ever actually tell you that he loved you back?
Irish
Yes. Three, almost four times. And when l reminded him of that......he said it must have been an answer to a question.

Which, by the way, it absolutely was not.

You know, lris, when you catch your guy with another woman......you're not supposed to stay friends with him.

You're supposed to never talk to the prick again.

You're supposed to throw things at him, scream, call him names.
Irish’s friend
Not do his blooming laundry.
Irish
l don't do his laundry. Did someone tell you. l do his laundry?

No, no, all we do now is......we e-mail.
Not when he's with her, of course.

Also when he's not with her, we talk on the phone.

Sometimes for hours. And then there's the occasional long lunch.

You know, l never realized how pathetic you are.
Really?

Oh, God. l'm so aware of it.

They always know just how to get us, don't they?

He knows whenever he wants back in your life.
Actually, he has made some small comments like that recently.

He hasn't exactly come
right out and said it
A woman editor
lris, did you file your story?
Irish
Oh, no, not yet. Down to the wire. Sorry. Better go.

Irish
Groom's best friend spoke......for many guests when he said, ''Hilary......will open Edward's eyes......and round out his life.''
Jasper
Okay, l've got a question for you.
What's it like to be the only one committed to work.....while the rest of us are slumming?
Iris
You mean what's it like to be the only one......not to finish their work on time?
 Hold on. Don't…Don't go.
Jasper
ls it fun having a brain that works that fast?
Iris
Shut up.
Jasper
No, l mean it.

Probably a brilliant finish too.
Irish
l assure you it's not.
Jasper
Hi, Simpkey.

Irish
Hi.
Irish
Your column today was fantastic.
God, l loved that line:
''The onrushing stripping of dignity and thought from British lives.''
Great writing.
Jasper
Hey, l got you something for Christmas.
Irish
That's convenient because l got you something too.
Japer
Darling, l don't actually have my gift with me.
ln fact, l probably mislaid it, but l know l got you something.
l suspect it's somewhere in my car, want to know what it is?
Irish
No. No, no, that's okay.
Jasper
l know you're gonna look hot in it.
Irish
Well, let's hope you find it, then.
Not exactly something hot......but happy Christmas.

Jasper
Thank you.
Irish
l didn't think we'd get a chance to do this this year.
Remember last Christmas, we exchanged gifts in March.
This is good. We're getting better.
Jasper
You stinker.
lt's a first edition.
Where did you find it?
Irish
Buried in that little place we found in Covent Garden that time.
Jasper
Why are you so great?
Irish’s boss
Everyone, can l have your attention, please?
Just a couple of minutes. Thank you.
Jasper
l hate it that we can never talk.
Irish
Hate it.
Irish’s boss
Well, first of all, a very happy Christmas to every one of you.
Everyone
Happy Christmas.
Irish’s boss
Now, we're not officially closed, as you very well know.
But we are going to try and get by this week......with a smaller-than-normal staff.
Irish’s boss
Now, before some of you rush off on holiday......l do have one rather important announcement.
Now, this affects lris.
lris Simpkins, where are you?
Irish
Here, sir.
Irish’s boss
lris, l have a tip for you.
Irish
Excellent.
Irish’s boss
A wedding was privately announced earlier today......that l don't believe any other paper in town knows about.
And l want you to be the first to report on this particular union......as it is between two of our most esteemed colleagues.
May l introduce the newly engaged Sarah Smith-Alcott......and Jasper Bloom!
Come on.

Jasper
lf l had known this was going to happen, l'd have worn my good suit.
Ethan
Amanda!
Amanda.
Ethan
Look, may l just say again......that l did not sleep with her?
Amanda
Right, because your receptionist needs to work till 3 in the morning.
Ethan
A bunch of us were working all night.
She wanted to hang out.
Amanda
Okay. Then swear on my life that you didn't sleep with her.
Ethan
Come on.
Amanda
Go ahead.
Ethan
Look, l don't wanna
l'm not gonna

Amanda
Your receptionist, Ethan?
This is why l knew we were smart never to get married.
l told you never to get rid of your house.
Somewhere inside l knew this about you.
Ethan
First of all, can you please calm down? Because l did not sleep with her.
Secondly, we've had problems for over a year. And l know you don't wanna deal with that, but we have.
Amanda
Oh, l am well aware we've had problems for the last year. lf l work a little bit too much, l never stop hearing about it. But if you work too much, maestro...-...it's for the sake of your music.
Ethan
-''lf'' you work too much?
Ethan
Amanda, you cut 75 trailers this year. You put a cutting room in the house and sleep with your BlackBerry. And l'm not gonna have a conversation about sex......because l can't remember the last time we did it.
Amanda
Come on, nobody has time for sex.
Ethan
That's not entirely true.
Amanda
That's it!
You absolutely slept with her!
Seriously, you have to get out. Oh, God. You know what l really think, Ethan?
l don't think you ever really loved me. Oh, please. You loved the idea of you and me, but not so much me. Not me, not really.
Ethan
Look, l did the best l could. ls anybody good enough for that job?
Amanda
l will send you your things.
Ethan
You know you do this, right?
l mean, you screw up every relationship you've ever been in. lt's what you do.
You didn't really wanna be a couple! You resist it in your own way!
Amanda
Shut up!
Ethan
And it's hard to detect how you even do it......because nobody's quite as smart as you!
So you're hard to catch at it. But it always surfaces and this is what happens.
Amanda
What happens?
Ethan
Things end.
Ethan
Just like you knew they would. Amanda, you know how l feel about you. There's nobody like you. You just don't wanna be what l need. Well, not what l ''need.''
Amanda
What?
Ethan
l mean You know what l mean.
Amanda
You know, l would never cheat on you, not under any conditions.
Ethan
Neither would l, okay?
Look at me. l'm down here sweating like a pig. And look at you. The only woman on earth who breaks up with her boyfriend......and doesn't even shed a tear? l mean, that's gotta mean something, right?
Amanda
Why does it bug you so much that l can't cry? Esophageal spasm. Oh, God, it's a big one. No, it's okay. l'll be all right.
Ethan
l know, l know. l'm thinking about me.
Amanda
Ethan. Look, it's over. You know, we might as well be honest with each other. Just tell me. Did you sleep with her? Just say it.

Amanda
What's the difference at this point, right? l mean, why torture me? Just put me out of my misery. What are we doing here--?
Ethan
Okay.
Yes, okay? l slept with her. Are you happy? l've been sleeping with her. She's in love with me. She's young. Look, this is not a proud moment for me. l mean, you should just know that. Amanda!
Amanda
Did you say, am l happy?
Ethan
l didn't mean that. You get me nuts sometimes, l say things l don't mean.
Amanda
ln the world of love, Ethan......not that l'm such a genius at it......but in the world of love, cheating is not acceptable.
Ethan
No matter what you think. l know you have a very high opinion of yourself, but this isn't all me.
Amanda
Okay.
Ethan
So when you're not in such a rage......l think you'll see that too.

Amanda
Yeah, maybe. Maybe when l stop having visions of you two together......l will see your side.
Ethan
You gotta be
Amanda
Punched him in the face.
Amanda’s assistant
ls this a bad time?
Amanda
No, no, l'm just l'm just flipping out a little bit.
Amanda’s assistant
Oh, okay.
Amanda
God. Okay-- No. l'm okay. God, why would this happen? No. You know what? l'm all right. Hi. What's up?
Amanda’s assistant
Ben needs you.
Movie trailer narrator
Rebecca Green was just your average 20-year-old. Until the father she never knew left her something she never expected. “Don't scream” “Your father left you something”. “I never met my father”. “Now you know he was interesting”. Lindsay Lohan. James Franco. Deception. You happen to have two guns? I didn't think one would be enough. Christmas Day.
Amanda
Amazing! lt finally looks like a hit.
Ben
And that is why they pay you the big bucks.
Amanda
l think we should go back to the original cut on the end. lt's so much stronger.
Ben
l agree.
Amanda
And make ''Christmas Day'' twice as big......but try it in a red. Like a happy red, not like a Scorsese red.
Ben
Happy red.
Amanda
Okay, so we're done.
Amanda’s assistant
Great.
Ben
All right.
Amanda
Hey, you know, let's just take off for a few weeks.
Ben
Yeah.
Amanda
What do you mean? l'm not kidding.
Amanda’s assistant
You always say that this is our busiest time.
Amanda
l need to get out of town. You know? l think l need some peace and quiet......or whatever it is people go away for. You know what l really wanna do? l wanna eat carbs without wanting to kill myself. l wanna read a book. Not just a magazine. An actual book. For years, l read these reviews, l buy the books, but l never read them.
Amanda
Did you read that article in The new York Times last Sunday? Severe stress makes women age prematurely......because stress causes DNA in our cells to shrink......until they can no longer replicate. So when we're stressed, we look haggard. This is just women, not men.
Ben
l'm sorry.
Amanda
They used to say that.....single women over 35 were more likely to be killed by a terrorist......than to get married. That was horrible. But now our generation is also not getting married. And bonus, real terrorists actually became part of our lives. So the stress of it all shows up on our faces, making us look haggard. While Ethan goes on looking cute forever.....shtupping his 2 4-year-old receptionist!
Amanda
Oh, my God! See what l mean? l need a vacation.
Amanda
Okay, where do l wanna go? By myself at Christmas. By myself depressed at Christmas. All alone on vacation. Alone, alone. Totally alone. Please, just give me one. One tear.
Okay. Moving on. ''Worry-Free Vacations.'' Good. Where's that? Bora Bora. ''Kayak for one?'' No, thank you. ''Vacation Rentals.'' l could do that. Hole up in a house somewhere.
Disappear for a few weeks. l like that idea. ''Where do you wanna go on your next vacation?'' ''Click here and pick a country. ''Where do they speak English? ''Click on a town or city.'' Let's see. Cotswolds. ''Barn converted to modern house in the beautiful Cotswolds.'' Which looks exactly like the Valley. Surrey. ''Christmas in the country.'' ''A fairy-tale English cottage set in a tranquil country garden. Snuggle up by an old stone fireplace and enjoy a cup of cocoa. An enchanting oasis of tranquility in a quiet English hamlet.....just 40 minutes from exciting London.'' Yeah.
Irish
What am l doing? Low point. Low point.
Amanda
''l'm interested.... Renting your house. l'm wondering if your house is available this Christmas. Because if it is, you could be a real lifesaver.'' ''l know it's late to be asking......but if you're at all interested, please contact me.''

Irish
''l'm very interested, but the cottage is only available for home exchange.''
Amanda
''Home exchange''? What is that?
Irish
''We switch houses, cars, everything. l haven't done it before, but friends have.''
Irish
Where are you?
Please say somewhere far away.
Amanda
''L.A.''
Irish
Never been there. Always wanted to go. l'm lris, by the way. l'm very normal. Neat freak. Healthy. Non-smoker. Single. Hate my horrible life.
Amanda
l'm Amanda. Loner, loser and complicated wreck.
Irish
Hi.
Amanda
Hi.
Amanda
l must say......your house looks idyllic. ''Just what l need.''

Irish
Really? Thanks.
What does your place look like?
Amanda
My place is nice, but it's a little bigger than yours.
Irish
Not hard to be
Amanda
''Are there any men in your town?''
Irish
Honestly? Zero.
Amanda
Where can I come?
Irish
Tomorrow too soon?
Amanda
''Tomorrow's perfect.''
Irish
Okay. We are on for two weeks......starting tomorrow.
Couple on plane 1
Hi.
Irish
Hi.
Couple on plane 1
How are you?
Irish
Fine.
Couple on plane 2
Honey, we're sitting there.
Couple on plane 1
Sorry.
Women on plane 1
Oh, yes. There it is.
Women on plane 2
Well, hello, dear.
Irish
Hello.
Women on plane 2
Excuse me. There we go. l'm so sorry.
Irish
No, no, it's okay.
Women on plane 1
Did you step on her foot?
Irish
lt's okay.

Women on plane 2
Oh, dear. Clumsy me.

Movie trailer narrator
Amanda Woods is proud to present her life. She had it all: Yes, that's it. The job. The house. The guy. This holiday season......find out what Amanda doesn't have.
Irish
This is amazing, this is amazing! Oh, look at that.
limo driver
Madam? Madam? Madam?
Amanda
Yeah.
limo driver
We're here.
Amanda
Okay. This can't be it.
limo driver
No, it's just down that lane. But the thing is, l'll never be able to turn this around at the other end. Think you can make it from here?
Amanda
No.
Amanda
Hey. You wouldn't happen to know where Rosehill Cottage is?
A villager
Go right at the bridge, and then just keep going. Way down there.

Amanda
Okay.
Irish
l'm here! Holy shit. Oh, my God!
Amanda
Okay, that'll be interesting. Get in the-- Get in there. Okay. Cute dress. Oh, suitcase. Okay. Now what?
Amanda
l can do this. l can drive on the wrong side of the road......and the wrong side of the car. Just stay focused. Oh, please do not hit me! Okay, l hate this. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
A biker
Move out of the way!
Watch it!
Amanda
Sorry. Stop! Oh, God. l need a drink.
Market clerk
Someone's having a party tonight.
Amanda
Oh, yeah.
TV’s voice
They went to the shops. Didn't see anything. Came home, and had a bit of a kiss and cuddle. The end.
Movie trailer narrator
Rebecca Green was just your average 20-year-old. Until the father she never knew.....left her something she never expected. You happen to have two guns? I didn't think one would be enough. Deception. Christmas Day.
Amanda
And that's why they pay me the big bucks. And now the weather. First, northern England and north Wales.....will have sleet or snow in the morning and again later in the day.
Amanda
Blinked.
Irish
Oh, that's intense. Oh, no. ''Gate''?
Maggie
Who was he with?
Miles
Maggie. The flutes. This is the best part.
Maggie
One second.
Irish
Hello-- Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?
Miles
Yeah, it's Miles. Amanda?


Irish
No, l'm sorry. Amanda's not here, l'm afraid. I'm trying to figure out how to open the gate. Oh, fu
Miles
Very nice.
Irish
If you heard that, I'm sorry.
Irish
Hi.
Miles
Hi.
Irish
l'm so sorry. l'm new at the gate thing.
Miles
lt's okay. lt was pretty funny. l'm Miles. l work with Ethan.
Irish
Ethan?
Miles
Amanda's ex.
Irish
Oh, right. Right.
 Miles
Know when she'll be back? Supposed to pick up things.
Irish
Amanda's in England, actually, on holiday. l'm staying here while she's away.
Miles
You okay?
Irish
Yes. Yeah, something just blew into my eye.
Miles
Oh, l hate that. Let me see. Yep, you got something in your eyelash. You want me to get it?
Irish
Okay. Okay.
Miles
Yeah, Santa Anas.
Irish
Pardon?
Miles
The wind. lt's what makes it so warm this time of year. Legend has it, when the Santa Anas blow......all bets are off. Anything can happen. That's it. You okay?
Irish
Better. Thank you.
Irish
So you needed to...?

Miles
Pick up Ethan's laptop.
Irish
And you're his...?
Miles
Oh, well, l'm a film composer, too, like Ethan, but
Irish
Did you compose this? lt's beautiful.
Miles
This? Yes, l did. l wrote this. No, l didn't. l wish l did. This is the great Ennio Morricone.
Irish
Would you mind coming back tomorrow? l just want to check this with Amanda's assistant.
Miles
Sure.
Irish
l'm lris, by the way.
Miles
Miles.
Irish
Right.
Miles
And this is my Maggie. l mean, just Maggie. Not ''my'' Maggie.
Irish
Hello.
Maggie
Hey. Are you ready?
Miles
Yeah. Okay. Don't blow away.
Irish
l won't. Anything can happen.
Irish
Five, six, seven, eight, nine,
1 0, 1 1 , 1 2. One a.m. in London.
Amanda
Who is it?
Graham
lt's me. Hurry up. lt's freezing.
Amanda
Who are you?
Graham
lris, open the door......or l swear l'm gonna take a leak all over your.  You're not lris. Or if you are, l'm much drunker than l realized. l'm sorry for my profanity. l wasn't expecting you.
Amanda
Well, l wasn't expecting you either.
Graham
Nevertheless, may l just?
Amanda
Yeah. Of course. Sure. You had to-- Yeah.
Graham
l'm Graham. lris' brother.
Amanda
Brother.
Amanda
l'm Amanda Woods. l'm staying here.
Graham
Amandawoods? ls that all one word?
Amanda
No. No, it's not.
Amanda
Brother? Oh, my God.
Graham
So lris is-- Where is--? Where is she?
Amanda
She didn't tell you?
Graham
She could have done......but as previously stated......l'm-- l've just-- l've been....

Amanda
She's in Los Angeles.
Graham
That's not possible. lris never goes anywhere.
Amanda
Well, we have that in common. No, she listed this cottage on a home-exchange website and l found it. We switched houses for two weeks. For the holiday. She's in L.A. at my house and l'm here.
Graham
People actually do that? Apparently.
Amanda
Yeah. l mean, it seems. Here l am in my pajamas.
Graham
She did ring me last night. l didn't get a chance to get back to her. l feel awful now. Would you mind if l sat? l feel like l might bump into you.
Amanda
Sure. Yeah. Sit. You okay?
Graham
Yeah, l'm good. Look, l'm sorry about the intrusion. Although l may not appear it, l am in fact lris'......semi-respectable big brother. But on the rare. Or lately not-so-rare occasion......that l frequent the local pub......and get inordinately pissed, my little sister puts me up......so l don't get behind the wheel. Pathetic explanation, but unfortunately it's become a bit of a routine. So how's it going so far? l mean, up until l showed up and ruined your night.
Amanda
Well, it's not going so great. Yeah, l'm leaving tomorrow on a noon plane.
Graham
When did you get here?
Amanda
About six hours ago.
Graham
We've made a great impression on you, haven't we?
Amanda
No, it's not that. lt's just that....You know, l'm not quite myself right now. l came here on a stupid whim. Honestly, l've never thought about anything less. lt's very unlike me. Would you like something to drink? Glass of water? Tea? Wine, maybe?
Graham
l think there's a bottle of brandy. Fancy a glass?
Amanda
Sure.
Graham
Good. So.... l'm sorry, l've totally blanked and forgotten your name.
Amanda
Amanda.

Graham
So, Amanda......you're not married, are you?
Amanda
Why? Do l look not married?
Graham
No. lt was just a backwards way of asking if you were married.
Amanda
No, not at all. l don't know what that means. l mean, no, l'm not married.
Graham
Me neither. Cheers.
Amanda
Cheers.
Graham
So is it horrible if l stay? l'll be gone before you even wake up. l promise you will never lay eyes on me again.
Amanda
Of-- No, that's fine. Sure.
Graham
Thank you.
Amanda
Let me just get you a blanket.


Graham
ln the cupboard, on top of the Scrabble. So why is it you aren't quite yourself at the moment?
Amanda
Well, l just broke up with someone. Yesterday. And l guess what l was feeling......was that l didn't wanna be alone over the holidays. l thought that if l was somewhere else......l wouldn't realize l was alone. Then l got here and never felt more alone in my life. Big surprise. Bet you're glad you knocked on this door.
Graham
l am, actually.
Amanda
Yeah, well....Sorry and good night.
Graham
Sweet dreams.
Amanda
Do you think you could...? Would you mind......trying that again?
Graham
Bad?
Amanda
Weird. Kissing a total stranger.
Graham
Really? l do it all the time.

Amanda
Let me try this. Maybe if l closed my eyes.
Amanda
You know, given that l'm in a bit of a personal crisis......and l find myself in a total stranger's home......in a town that l can't actually remember the name of......and considering that you showed up......and you're, like, insanely good-looking......and really drunk and probably won't remember me anyway......l'm thinking......we should have sex. lf you want.
Graham
ls that a trick question?
Amanda
l'm actually serious. And not that it matters, but l've never said anything like that in my entire life. lt's just that this whole......knowing-l'll-never-see-you-again thing is kind of exciting. l mean, this is what a vacation's supposed to be. You're supposed to vacate life, do the unexpected. And you are......definitely unexpected.
Graham
This all sounded wonderful till l became the cabana boy.
Amanda
And you're funny, which is, like, a bonus.
Graham
Yeah? Never meet me when l'm sober.
Amanda
Deal.
Amanda
Oh, also, l should warn you. l'm not very good at this.
Graham
''This'' being...?
Amanda
Sex.
Graham
Okay. Now, that cannot be true.
Amanda
Nevertheless, the guy that l lived with mentioned it once or twice......and a girl does not forget a comment like that. Not even me.
Amanda
l mean, how bad could l be? Sex is pretty basic, right? Am l pretty much talking you out of this?
Graham
Strangely, not at all. How do you feel about foreplay?
Amanda
l think it's overrated. Significantly overrated.
Graham
You are quickly becoming one of the most interesting girls l've ever met. Look at you. You're already better than you think.
Graham
Good morning.
Amanda
Good morning.
Graham
l lost my contacts last night somehow. Much better. Yeah.
Graham
Can l help you with that?
Amanda
l should know how to do this.
Amanda
You're supposed to plug them in over here. Right.
Graham
So, Amanda, l just really…Yeah. You know.....
Amanda
Listen, you don't have to worry about a thing here. Okay?
Graham
Okay.
Amanda
l mean, it was great meeting you and everything.
Graham
Definitely. Also, for the record, your ex-boyfriend is, in my opinion......extremely mistaken about you.
Amanda
Well, yeah, you were drunk.
Graham
Not that drunk.
Amanda
Yeah.
Graham
Oh, that's mine.
Amanda
Sophie. l'm sorry, l didn't mean to look.
Graham
l'll call her back.
Amanda
Coffee cups.
Graham
Here.
Amanda
Thank you. You don't want one?
Graham
l should probably be going.
Amanda
Oh, yeah. You know, l gotta get going in a few minutes myself.



Graham
So listen. l know you're leaving and absolutely not interested......in getting involved, but just so you know......things in my life are a little bit complicated......and even if you were staying, l can promise you.....you wouldn't.
Amanda
You really don't have to do this. Look, l'm sort of a mess in this area myself. And anyway, l mean, honestly, we hardly know each other.
Graham
Well, l wouldn't exactly say that......but l just want to assure you, you're better off. l'm…l'm.
Amanda
Okay.
Graham
No need to go on. Right. Well, l just want to be sure you are okay because somehow......l find l tend to hurt women simply by being myself, so....
Amanda
l'm not going to fall in love with you, l promise.
Graham
Okay. Nicely put. Thank you.
Amanda
No, it's just that l know myself. l'm not sure l even fall in love. Not like the way other people do. How's that for something to admit?

Graham
Well, like l said, Most lnteresting Girl Award.
Amanda
l'm gonna try to see that as a compliment.
Graham
You should. Absolutely.
Right. Okay, then. Well....Utter honesty. Very refreshing. Well, you probably won't be hearing from me......because even if you wanted to, and you clearly don't......l have the classic male problem of no follow-through. Absolutely never remember to call after a date. But since this wasn't a date l guess l'm off the hook.
Amanda
Exactly.
Graham
But what if l wanted to call you?
Graham
Right. Sorry. Apparently not the right thing to say at all. Well, if your flight's canceled or for some reason......you change your mind, l'm having dinner with some friends......at the pub tonight. And......if not, then, well......you're lovely.
Amanda
So are you.
A woman’s voice
Attention passengers, this is the final boarding call...for British Airways flight 42

Movie trailer narrator
Amanda wasn't looking for love......but that doesn't mean it didn't find her.
Airport security
Well, ma'am, you're good to go.
Amanda
Thank you.
Irish
Thank you, Amanda.
Irish
Hello?
Jasper
Where am I finding you?
Irish
Jasper.
Jasper
Is it okay that I'm calling you?
Irish
l suppose so. How are you?
Jasper
Could we start with a less complicated question?
Irish
What's wrong?

Jasper
I'm having some real problems with a section of my book. I can use some Iris. Would it be awful if I sent you some pages? Just tell me if it is. I don't wanna mess you up. I'll I know that you're the only one who can really help me.
Irish
No. Well-- l mean......if you need me.
Jasper
Well, you know you are my little survival kit. So, simpkey, have you put on that little red bikini yet? You know, the one that unties at the back?
Irish
How do you remember my little red bikini?
Jasper
I remember everything.
Irish
Do you?
Irish
You know, just the other day, l was just thinking about that time--
Jasper
Darling, I've just arrived at soho House. I'm meeting some friends for drinks. (talking with his fiancé ).
Irish
Okay.

Jasper
You keep the change. Bloody cold in here. Okay, I'm sending you the pages tomorrow. Look for them, will you? And have some fun today, okay?
Irish
Okay.
Women in pub
Graham?
Irish
Oh, no, is he lost?
Irish
Excuse me. Hello. Can l offer you a lift home?
Arthur
Why? You know where l live?
Irish
l believe l do, yes.
Arthur
Good. Then that makes one of us.
Irish
Your house is lovely.
Arthur
l've lived here 4 7 years. Back then, there were only six houses on this block. Every year, they tear another one down......not that l blame them. They weren't that great to begin with. But that's how l got confused. l didn't recognize one house.
Irish
That would be confusing.
Arthur
What part of England are you from?
Irish
Surrey.
Arthur
Cary Grant was from Surrey.
Irish
That's right, he was. How did you know that?
Arthur
Oh, he told me once. Well, l thank you very much, young lady.
Irish
Let me help you with that.
Arthur
Okay. l-- Thank you.
Irish
There you go.
Arthur
Well, this was some meet-cute.
Irish
Sorry?

Arthur
lt's how two characters meet......in a movie. Say a man and a woman......both need something to sleep in. And they both go to the same men's pajama department.
Irish
Right.
Arthur
And the man says to the salesman: ''l just need bottoms.'' The woman says, ''l just need a top.'' They look at each other, and that's the ''meet-cute.''
Irish
Oh, l see.
Arthur
Of course, this isn't quite that cute, but....
Irish
So you're in the film business?
Arthur
Was. Yes, yes, l was. l was a writer.
Arthur
l could be here till tomorrow.
Irish
Oh, here. Let me.
Arthur
Thank you.

Irish
Oh, my God. Well, goodbye, then. l enjoyed our meet-cute.
Arthur
Well, thank you. Thank you for rescuing me.
Irish
lt's a pleasure. Absolutely.
Irish
You know, l hope you don't find this strange......but l've just arrived here, and, well, l don't really know anyone. And l was thinking of going out for dinner tonight. Well, if you're not busy, would you like to join me?
Arthur
Busy? Honey, l haven't been busy since 1 9 7 8.
Arthur
l learned everything working in this place. Best job l ever had.
Irish
Wait, wait, wait. That was your first job in Hollywood? Louis B. Mayer's office boy?
Arthur
Actually, my first job was as a Western Union messenger. That's how l met Mayer. l delivered a telegram to his office at MGM. When l walked in, all the girls in the office were in a tizzy. Their office boy didn't show up. l volunteered for the job. The next day, l was on the payroll. l was 1 7 years old.
Irish
Wooow…So was Hollywood really as great back then as l imagine?
Arthur
lt was better. You know what l've been asking myself all night?
Irish
What? Why l'm bothering you with all these questions?
Arthur
l'm wondering why a beautiful girl like you......would go to a stranger's house for her Christmas vacation......and on top of that, spend Saturday night with an old cocker like me.
Irish
Well, l…..l just wanted to get away from the people l see all the time. Well, not all the people. One person. l wanted to get away from one guy. An ex-boyfriend who just got engaged and forgot to tell me. Sorry.
Arthur
So he's a schmuck.
Irish
As a matter of fact, he is. A huge schmuck. How did you know?
Arthur
He let you go. This is not a hard one to figure out. lris, in the movies we have leading ladies......and we have the best friend. You, l can tell, are a leading lady. But for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend.
Irish
You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for God's sake. Arthur, l've been going to a therapist for three years. And she's never explained anything to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant. Thank you.
Amanda
l haven't had that much to drink in…What am l saying? l've never had that much to drink.
Graham
Yes, l believe no one ever has.
Amanda
Okay, the last thing l remember was coming in here last night and…
Graham
l had nothing to do with that.
Amanda
Oh, l know, but you were here.
Graham
l was.
Amanda
Oh, God. So l guess we....Did we...? l mean, did we...?
Graham
We didn't? We did not.
Amanda
Oh, thank God. l mean, not ''thank God,'' but just thank God. Because l didn't remember....So why didn't we...? Just remind me a little.

Graham
Call me old-fashioned......but one doesn't have sex with women who are unconscious.
Amanda
Unconscious? Oh, God. That must have been really attractive.
Graham
Why did you stay?
Graham
Because you asked me to.
Amanda
l did, didn't l? Did l beg at one point?
Graham
From the moment l met you, it's been an adventure.
Amanda
Oh, yes. And l am deeply sorry about that. l have nothing to say for myself......other than l must be temporarily nuts right now. Olivia. Sorry, l didn't mean to look. Again.
Graham
l should probably take this. Hello. Hi. l can't. l can't today.
Amanda
Sophie, Olivia, Amanda. Busy guy.
Graham
l think we should go into town.
Amanda
What do you mean?

Graham
l think you should get dressed. We should take a drive, get some lunch and get to know each other.
Amanda
Really? Why?
Graham
Because l'm running out of reasons why we shouldn't. Aren't you?
Amanda
So you're a book editor.
Graham
Yes, l am.
Amanda
What kind of an editor are you?
Graham
A very mean one.
Amanda
No. What l meant was, do you give massive notes, or...?
Graham
The better the writer, the less notes.
Amanda
And what'd you study in school?

Graham
Literature.
Amanda
And did you always know this was what you wanted to do?
Graham
Okay, my palms are starting to sweat. l feel like l'm on a job interview. Do you, by any chance, know how to be on a date?
Amanda
Sorry. l'm interrogating you.
Graham
Yes.
Amanda
l haven't been on a first date in a long time.
Graham
Well, since we've already had sex and slept together twice......maybe we can bend the first-date rules. Why are you blushing?
Amanda
l didn't realize l was. l think you make me nervous. Okay. l'm gonna try to be myself. lt's never easy, but l'm gonna try.
Graham
What was the question? Oh, l know. Did l always want to be a book editor?
Amanda
Did you…? Right.
Amanda
The answer is yes. My family's in publishing. My dad's a writer of historical fiction. My mum was…ls, to this day, a very important editor at Random House. Okay. l believe my time is up. Your turn.
Amanda
Really?
Graham
Deep breath.
Amanda
Okay.
Graham
All right?
Amanda
Yeah. Well, like l said the other night......l own a company that does movie advertising. Graham
l didn't realize you own the company.
Amanda
Probably because l didn't mention it. But now that l know you were raised by such a strong working mom......l can say it, and maybe you won't be intimidated.
Graham
No, no. l'm still a little intimidated by it.
Amanda
Well, ''a little'' is way ahead of the curve.
Amanda
Yeah.
Graham
What about your family?
Amanda
Okay, l'll say it fast. My parents broke up when l was 1 5. l'm an only child, and l… l didn't see it coming. You know, we were really close. We used to call ourselves ''The Three Musketeers.'' And one night after dinner, my parents sat me down......and told me that they were breaking up. l thought they were kidding. And then l saw a suitcase out of the corner of my eye in the hallway. And my dad moved out that night. l think l cried myself to sleep for, like, well....Anyway, a long time. And then l realized that l'd better toughen up. And, well, l got through it and sort of haven't cried since. l also haven't thought of that packed suitcase maybe ever. And that's my tragic little story. Let's order.
Graham
Wait. You haven't cried since you were 1 5?
Amanda
l know it must mean something awful. l know, but....You know, l try, but… Believe me. But can we talk about you some more, please?
Graham
Okay. Yes. Absolutely. Okay. Well, l cry all the time.
Amanda
You do not.

Graham
Yeah, l do. More than any woman you've ever met.

Amanda
You don't have to be this nice.
Graham
lt happens to be the truth.
Amanda
Really?
Graham
A good book, a great film, a birthday card, l weep.
Amanda
Shut up.
Graham
l'm a major weeper. l am.
Amanda
This was such a great afternoon.
Graham
lt was a really great afternoon.
Amanda
You know, you don't have to walk me in. lt's freezing, and....
Graham
You can just say you don't want me to come in.
Amanda
No, it's not that. l just-- No--l'm just tired. l think l'm gonna take a nap. lt's not that.
Graham
Okay, l'll pretend l believe you.
Amanda
Graham, l'm leaving in nine days. And that makes this complicated. And l'm not sure l can handle complicated right now.
Graham
Okay. And that doesn't make things complicated?
Amanda
Sex makes everything complicated. Even when you don't have it, the not having it makes things complicated.
Graham
Which is why it's usually better to have it. Some say. Well, l'm off to work in the morning. l promise l won't be drunkenly banging on your door any time soon.
Amanda
We'll see each other, okay? We'll figure something out.
Graham
Good.
Amanda
Good.
Amanda
Oh, it's freezing.
Irish
Hello.
Miles
Bad timing?
Irish
No, no. Come in.
Miles
How's it going?
Irish
Good. Yeah, everything's good.
Miles
This FedEx was leaning on the gate. From a little town called London, England.
Irish
Friend of mine's writing a book, and l give him......notes sometimes.
Miles
You have company?
Irish
l'm having a little Hanukkah party.
Miles
Did you join a temple since l last saw you?



Irish
No. My neighbor knew. l didn't know anyone here. So he wanted to introduce me to some of his friends. And somehow it turned into a Hanukkah thing. Do you wanna come in for a sec?
Miles
All right. Yeah. l could play spin the dreidel. Smells good.
Miles
l just have to say, this is one of the best Hanukkahs l've ever had.
Arthur
Hear, hear.
Miles
l've had too much of the Manischewitz. l'm gonna have to be cut off.
Norman
We are cutting you off. l take this very seriously, and l'm telling you the truth.
Arthur
He amazes me. Don't listen to them. They're nuts.
Miles
Okay, so you're telling me you were not a ladies' man?
Arthur
Never. l married very young.
Norman
Yes, only because he had the greatest girl in town. He had to take her off the market. That's the truth. Everyone loved Marion. She had the greatest laugh.
Arthur
What did he say? She had the greatest ass?
Irish
Greatest laugh.
Norman
Although her ass wasn't so bad, either.
Arthur
She had real gumption. She was the girl l always wrote.
Norman
What about you, Miles? You're a man about town, l presume.
Miles
No, gents, sadly l am not. l'm just a one-woman-at-a-time kind of guy. Actually, l've been dating a beautiful actress for about five months. l do not know what she sees in me, but l'm the luckiest guy in the world.
Irish
Oh, she's an actress? What's she been in? Anything we would have seen?
Miles
She hasn't done that much yet, but--
Norman
And where is she tonight?
Arthur
Look, he's half-dead, and he's still interested.

Norman
Well, l mean, that made me curious. You know, he's here. Where is she?
Miles
She's on location in New Mexico. She's working on a little indie film. Sorry she couldn't be here. She'll be back in about 1 0 days.
Arthur
Her loss is our gain.
Miles
Thank you, Arthur.
Arthur
Fellas......l think we should leave these young folks and get back to our bedpans.
Miles
Okay, Norman, you are calling me for pinochle.
Norman
l got your cell, l'll be in touch.       
Miles
Okay, pound right here.
Miles
This was an amazing night. Arthur Abbott is maybe the last of the great Hollywood writers......from that generation. Thanks. There are, like, famous things we say because he wrote them.


Irish
l know. He told me that his friends wrote Casablanca......but that he added the ''kid'' to ''Here's looking at you, kid.''
Miles
Hello! Which totally makes the line. ''Here's looking at you, llsa.'' Doesn't quite have that ring.
Irish
He's so modest. He gave me this long list of old movies he said l had to see. None were written by him, of course. l saw a couple today. They were fantastic.
Miles
Maybe we can see one together.
Irish
That would be great.
Miles
All right, cool. Then l'll definitely call you. The brisket was great. And those chocolate-covered macaroons. Delectable. lt was really fun hanging with you. Okay. l'm sorry.
l didn't mean to kiss you twice......and then linger a long time on the second kiss.
Irish
No problem.
Miles
Oh, boy. lt is officially crazy weather.
Irish
Don't blow away.
Amanda
''l'm not sure l can handle complicated''? Oh, God, l can be such a jerk.
Movie trailer narrator
Amanda Woods.
Amanda
Shut up.
Movie trailer narrator
She pushed every guy away, every time. It's not, ''Will she ever change, '' but, ''Does she want to?''
Amanda
Surprise.
Graham
Yeah, it is. Hi.
Amanda
Hi. So l was home doing nothing and thinking of you......and l realized that a little complication never hurt anyone. And then l thought, maybe this isn't so complicated at all. And also, l wanted to apologize. l am sorry l didn't invite you in this afternoon. l don't know what that was about exactly......but whatever it was, l thought that l should just....Oh, my God. You're, you're not alone, are you?
Graham
No, l'm not, actually. l'm sorry.
Amanda
No. No, no, no. Don't be.
Amanda
l shouldn't have just....Oh, man. Okay, seriously, do not worry about this. This is just me, like, being stupid.
Sophie
Who is it, Daddy?
Amanda
''Daddy''?
Graham
Yes. l am Daddy. Amanda, this is my daughter Sophie. Soph, this is my friend Amanda.
Amanda
Hi.
Sophie
How do you do?
Amanda
l'm fine, thank you. How are you?
Sophie
Very well, thank you. Do you want to come in?
Amanda
Oh, no, l just
Olivia
Hi.
Graham
Come here.
Olivia
Daddy, who is this?
Graham
This is Amanda. And, Amanda, this is my youngest. Olivia.
Amanda
Sophie and Olivia.
Sophie
Dad. Dad.
Graham
Sorry, yes. Of course, come in.
Olivia
Come in.
Amanda
Okay.
Olivia
Daddy, can we still have hot chocolate, please?
Graham
Yes.
Olivia
With baby marshmallows?
Graham
Yes.

Sophie
Dad, take her coat.
Graham
Yes. May l, may l...?
Amanda
Oh, sure. Thanks. Are you married? Tell me fast.
Graham
No.
Amanda
Okay. l know. l'm a tad overdressed.
Olivia
You look like my Barbie.
Amanda
Thanks.
Olivia
ls that for us?
Amanda
Yes. Except for l'm sorry about the wine.
Graham
l apologize for not having mentioned this earlier.
Amanda
You're D-l-V-O-R-C-E-D?

Graham
W-l-D-O-W-E-R. Two years ago.
Graham
Amanda, are you by any chance at all into hot chocolate?
Amanda
As a matter of fact, l'm......totally into it.
Graham
Here we go, Olivia. Olivia...
Olivia
Thank you.
Graham
...blow on it. lt's hot. You too, Soph.
Sophie
She has more marshmallows than me.
Graham
No, she doesn't. You each have five. You have five too.
Graham
Thank you.
Sophie
One, two, three, four, five.
Amanda
What? Do l have something on my lip?

Sophie
Just look! There.
Graham
Oh, hello.
Olivia
Hello.
Graham
Hello.
Olivia
So…Going up! Blow on mine.
Graham
Thank you. Excellent timing.
Olivia
Dad, do Mr. Napkin Head.
Graham
No. No, no, no. No Mr. Napkin Head.
Olivia
Please? Do it!
Sophie
Do it. Do it. Please.
Olivia
Do it, please. Beg you, please?

Graham
Please? Okay, l'll do it quickly. Oh, well, thank you for that.
Olivia
You're welcome. Now do it.
Graham
All right. Amanda, can l borrow your napkin, please?
Amanda
Yes.
Olivia
Your glasses.
Graham
Pass me those when l need them.
Sophie
Amanda, you're gonna love this. lt's so funny. l mean, you'll fall off your chair, it's so funny.
Graham
Hello. Hello, my name is Mr. Napkin Head. Hello, children. Who's this? She's a stranger?
Olivia
Amanda.
Graham
And why has she got a funny accent?
Olivia
Amanda.
Graham
Yeah, but where is she from?
Sophie
Now smoke!
Olivia
Go on.
Graham
Smoking's really bad for you.
Sophie
Amanda, guess what. We have a tent in our playroom. Do you want to see it?
Graham
No, no, no. Amanda......will not crawl into your tent.
Olivia
You don't like tents?
Amanda
Okay, this is seriously cool.
Olivia
Come inside. Lie down.
Amanda
Okay.
Sophie
Here, Amanda. You can use my pillow.

Amanda
Thank you.
Olivia
Lie down!
Graham
Can you please stop being so bossy?
Olivia
Lie down, please, next to me.
Amanda
Okay.
Graham
Very nice.
Olivia
Excuse me.
Amanda
This is an exceptionally great tent.
Graham
lt's got something, hasn't it?
Sophie
lt's cozy.
Amanda
Yeah.

Amanda
Who cut out all these beautiful stars?
Sophie
We did.
Olivia
The Three Musketeers!
Olivia
Amanda?
Amanda
Yes?
Olivia
You smell lovely.
Amanda
Do l?
Olivia
Yes. l love perfume, but he won't let me wear it.
Graham
Because you already smell so good. So do you, by the way.
Amanda
Thanks. But l'm older, so l guess l'm allowed.
Graham
Exactly.

Olivia
l like your eye shadow.
Amanda
Thank you.
Olivia
And your lipstick.
Amanda
Thank you. lt's new.
Olivia
What's it called?
Amanda
l think it's called Berry Kiss.
Olivia
Very Berry Kiss it is. Berry Kiss.
Amanda
Let's see? lt looks good on you.
Sophie
Amanda? You know, if you wanted to sleep over, that would be all right. We could push our beds together.
Graham
Sorry.
Amanda
That's so sweet of you to invite me......but maybe another time. Would that be all right?
Sophie
Yes.
Graham
Good girl.
Olivia
We never have grownups here that are girls.
Sophie
l know.
Olivia
l really like it.
Sophie
Me too.
Graham
l can't imagine anyone being a bigger hit with my children.
Amanda
They're really great, Graham.
Graham
Sophie's unfortunately taken on the role as my protector. She's brilliant, but l hate it when she worries about me. And Olivia's......gonna be a real ball-buster. Which, l must admit, l kind of love about her.
Amanda
l'm trying to figure out why you didn't tell me about them.

Graham
Because l just don't usually tell women about them.
Amanda
But it's just a little confusing......because you're the one who wanted to go out to lunch......to get to know one another.
Graham
When you put it that way, it sounds awful. l have no defense. Except that until l get to know someone really well......it's easier for me to be a normal, single guy. Because it's way too complicated to be who l really am. l'm a full-time dad. l'm a working parent. l'm a mother and a father. l'm a guy who reads parenting books and cookbooks before l go to sleep. l spend my weekends buying tutus. l'm learning to sew. l'm Mr. Napkin Head! l'm on some kind of constant overload and it helps......to compartmentalize my life. Just till l figure this out. This past weekend, the children were with their grandparents. And when they're gone, l get to be somebody......who doesn't have hot chocolate spilled on his jeans. l have no idea how to date and be this. And l suppose there's......the possibility l'm afraid of what another person......might do to who we are......and how we get from one day to the next.
Amanda
Yeah. l guess since l am leaving in a week, l....l sort of get you not telling me. Sort of.
Graham
l thought it would be hard......to introduce them to someone l may never see again.
Amanda
Right. Because l'm just someone you had sex with once and slept with twice.
Graham
l thought l was just someone you had sex with once and slept with twice.
Amanda
Oh, man. l think we just went way past complicated.
Graham
Right. l'm a book editor from London. You're a......beautiful......movie trailer-maker from L.A. We're worlds apart. l have a cow in the back yard.
Amanda
You have a cow?
Graham
Yeah. l sew and l have a cow. How's that for hard to relate to?
Amanda
Pretty up there.
Graham
Exactly.
Irish
Morning, Jesus.
A sweeper man
Good morning.
Irish
Santa Anas?
Gardener
Oh, yeah, long time now.
Irish
Hi, Marta.
Marta
Hi, lris.
Irish
Hi there.
Irish
Hello! Good morning.
Arthur
l counted. Nine movies are opening today. l remember when nine movies would open in a month. Now a picture has to make a killing the first weekend or they're dead. This is supposed to be conducive to great work?
Irish
Arthur, have you always been this feisty?
Arthur
Well, l may have slowed down a little, but yes. You've gotta fight the fight, kid.
Irish
Okay, your mail. Gas company, phone bill. And a letter from the Writers Guild of America, West.
Arthur
Are you watching the movies l recommended?
Irish
Yes! Love them. lrene Dunne is fantastic.
Arthur
Gumption.
Irish
Oh, my God, tons of it. Arthur, don't you want to open that letter you just threw in the bin?
Arthur
No. They keep writing me about the same thing.
Irish
But it might be important.
Arthur
lt's not. They want to arrange some kind of tribute to me. A night with me. l don't know. lt sounds God-awful.
Irish
What are you talking about? That sounds brilliant!
Arthur
Would you like to walk out on a stage, on a walker, looking 1 00 years old......and see 1 1 schnooks who showed up just to see you? They can forget it. l ain't falling for this. So now, what's up?
Irish
May l? ''An Evening With Arthur Abbott.'' ''Dear Mr. Abbott....several attempts to contact you regarding....''. ''We have not yet received your response. This special night will be a tribute to your......lifetime screenwriting achievement and contribution to the profession. Congratulations on this much-deserved honor.'' Arthur, this is a big deal. You know, and they want to do this soon. Listen, l reckon that with a little bit of exercise......you could walk out on your own. And, you know, maybe l could go with you. As, like, your date or something.
Arthur
l would take you proudly, my darling, but l'm not going. Anyway, how would you propose to get me in shape? Seriously.
Irish
Easy.
Irish
You're doing really well. Nearly there. Nearly there. Nearly there. Bravo! Here we go, back the other way. You okay?
Arthur
Yeah, l'm fine.
Irish
You sure?
Arthur
Yeah, l just slipped.
Irish
Hello?
Graham
So are you ever coming home?
Irish
Oh, my God. Hi.
Graham
How's it going?
Irish
Great. l met a really nice guy.
Graham
See? And you said you'd never. What's he like?
Irish
He's really cute. l feel great when l'm with him......which is an entirely new experience.
And he's about 90 years old.
Graham
Come on.
Irish
He's my next-door neighbor. Or Amanda's next-door neighbor. By the way, you should go meet her.
Graham
Yeah. l have, actually.
Irish
Oh, bugger. Call waiting. Can you hold for a sec? Hold on. l really wanna talk to you.
Graham
Sure.
Irish
Hello.

Amanda
lris, hi, it's Amanda. How are you? How's it going?
Irish
Everything's great. How are you?
Amanda
Oh, I'm loving it.
Irish
Can you hold for a sec? My brother's on the other line.
Amanda
Graham?
Irish
Yes. He said you met.
Amanda
Yes, we did meet. How is he?
Irish
Fine, I think. Can you just hold on for a sec?
Amanda
Sure.
Irish
Okay. Hi, sorry. That was Amanda.
Graham
How'd she sound? How is she doing?

Irish
She just asked me how you are.
Graham
And what did you say?
Irish
l asked her to hold. Can l call you back?
Graham
l can hold while you speak to her.
Irish
Really?
Graham
Find out how she is.
Irish
Okay. My brother wants to know how you are.
Amanda
Can you tell him l'm good and that l'm just walking Charlie in the village. What's he been up to? Did he say?
Irish
l'm not sure. Do you want me to ask him?
Amanda
Sure.


Irish
Okay. Hold, please. l can't believe that you have had sex with the woman staying in my house!
Amanda
He told you that?
Irish
Oh, my God!
Amanda
Oh, my God!
Irish
Oh, my God. l thought l was talking to Graham! Can you just hold, please? l'm terribly sorry. l can't believe you had sex with Amanda! The one thing she asked me was, ''Are there any men in your town?'' l assured her that there were not. Then you meet her and immediately get into her knickers!
Amanda
Still me.
Irish
Bollocks! l must have lost him. Amanda, l am so sorry. Can I call you back?
Amanda
Sure.
Irish
Okay, bye.

Irish
Yes, hello.
Miles
lt's Miles. Am l in trouble?
Irish
Oh, Miles. Hi.
Miles
What are you up to this Christmas Eve?
Irish
Not much. But in a little bit......l'm gonna go to the video shop and get the next movie on Arthur's list.
Miles
Do you want some company?
Irish
Love some.
Miles
Hey, l got you the best drink in town, but l didn't know......if you liked a little dollop of whipped cream or a big one......so l got both and you can have each one-- Hello, big dollop! Say, you look great, by the way.
Irish
Thanks.
Miles
Really great.
Irish
Thanks, l'm feeling good. l've been working out with Arthur.
Irish
What?
Miles
No. l'm sure it's an awesome workout. l'm sorry. l'm trying not to picture it.
Irish
Okay, well, the workout's not that great, but the conver…Stop laughing! The conversation is truly fantastic.
Miles
No, that l totally believe. Now let me ask you. Have you seen this?
Irish
Chariots of Fire. Loved it.
Miles
Such a great score by Vangelis. He took electronic scores to a new level. lt was groundbreaking. l'm gonna test you on this later. Okay. Driving Miss Daisy. Hans. Very unexpected. Do you remember how great it was? Sassy! Love it. ls this a bad game?
Irish
No!
Miles
Okay.
Irish
Keep going.
Miles
Sometimes l get self-conscious about my…and…Are you embarrassed by this game I've started to play? Okay. lt's not a library. l can go loud. Two notes and you've got a villain. l don't know what to say about it. Totally brill. l bet you didn't know that was all written for the movie. lt was a score.
Irish
l did know that one.
An old man
Can't go anywhere.
Miles
Oh, my God. Okay, this one? You have to check this out some time. The Mission. The score is genius. lt just comes from a totally different place. lt's like.... l can't even.... Just promise me you'll rent it and listen to it.
Irish
Renting.
Miles
Thank you. lt changed my world. What? Maggie!
Miles
Why do l always fall for the bad girl?
Irish
You didn't know she was a bad girl.


Miles
l knew she wasn't good. Do you have anything a little bit stronger? Thank you. Let me rephrase this: Why am l attracted to a person l know isn't good?
Irish
l happen to know the answer to this. You're hoping you're wrong. She does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. Every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over......and you lose that argument with yourself that she's not for you.
Miles
Exactly. And on top of that, there's the old standby: ''l can't believe a girl like that would be with a guy like me.'' You know what she said to me tonight? She finished in Santa Fe after two days......and has been staying with whatever-his-name-was. Which means she's been right here in town. When l spoke to her this morning on her cell and she said: ''l'm looking out my window and it's snowing.'' She was in Santa Monica. What did she do, go to Weather.com? That must have made them scream with laughter. And in the meantime, l sent her Christmas gift to Santa Fe yesterday. l stood in line at FedEx to make sure she got it on time. Classic, right? l don't wanna ruin your Christmas Eve. You don't have to listen to this.
Irish
lt's okay. l like the company. So how about some food? Shall l make us a little Christmas fettuccine?
Miles
Sure.

Irish
Listen. l know it's hard to believe people when they say, ''l know how you feel.'' But l actually know how you feel. You see......l was......seeing someone back in London. We worked for the same newspaper. And then l found out that he was also seeing this other girl, Sarah......from the Circulation Department on the 1 9th floor. lt turned out that he wasn't in love with me like l thought. What l'm trying to say is......l understand feeling as small and as insignificant......as humanly possible. How it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you. lt doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get......or gyms you join......or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with girlfriends. You still go to bed every night going over every detail......and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell, for that brief moment......you could think that you were that happy? And sometimes you can even convince yourself......that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that......however long ''all that'' may be......you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff......those years of your life that you wasted......that will eventually begin to fade.
Miles
Well, fuck. You need this more than l do. That's what you're doing here? You're getting over somebody?
Irish
Yeah. This is me in good shape.

Miles
ls this the guy who sent you pages from his novel?
Irish
Yeah. He needs me.
Miles
So he stays in touch?
Irish
All the time.
Miles
That makes it impossible to forget, which is great for him, sucks for you.
Irish
You see how great your life is compared to mine?
Miles
Okay, let's go. l'm making you some fettuccine. lt is Christmas Eve, and we are going to sit out on that patio......gonna make ourselves a little fire, pop some bubbly......and we are gonna celebrate being young and being alive. You with me, Simpkins?
Irish
Miles. You really are an incredibly decent man.
Miles
l know. That's always been my problem.
Irish
Hi.

Miles
Okay, here it is. Arthur's theme. l think this is really good. l'm serious.
Irish
No, l know.
Miles
l'm making him a CD of this tune. Every time he hears it......it should give him the confidence to walk right out there.
Miles
Okay?
Irish
Yep.
Miles
Here we go. Did l steal this?
Irish
John Williams.
Miles
l didn't write it, that's why. Okay, this is it for real.
Irish
Okay.
Miles
Here we go.
Irish
Yep.
Miles
A little Arthur and the knights. Right? lt's cheeky.
Irish
lt sounds like him.
Miles
l also wrote one that sounds like you.
Irish
You did?
Miles
lris, if you were a melody. l used only the good notes. Iris lives next door To Arthur He's a doodle-ee-doo And also a doodle-ee-doo scroodle-ee-doo A scroodle-ee-doo? l didn't know that.
Irish
Yeah.
Miles
And froodle-ee-doo And froodle-ee-doo We both said ''froodle-ee.'' l'm impressed. You are a prodigy. A ''doodle'' prodigy. swoodle-ee-doo
Graham
So you're totally great.
Amanda
Yeah. This is a bitch.
Graham
Well, you must come to London all the time for work, right?
Amanda
London? Never.
Graham
New York?
Amanda
Not really, but that's easier. Do you go there often?
Graham
Rarely. Long-distance relationships can work.
Amanda
Really? l can't make one work......when l live in the same house with someone.
Graham
So this could be a good solution for you.
Amanda
Oh, man. Okay. Let's say we just make this happen. We commit to flying back and forth as much as we can.
Graham
Yes! lt's doable, definitely.
Amanda
And then let's say in six months we hit a wall. Like, l can't constantly be away from work......or the girls can't deal with you leaving so often. And we start to feel the tension. We know this isn't gonna work......so we start fighting because we don't know what else to do. And then, after a long, tearful--At your end. --phone call...-...we just-- We say goodbye.
Graham
Thank you.
Amanda
That'll be it, for real. lt's not like we'll ever bump into each other. And then what's left? Two miserable people......feeling totally mashed up and hurt. Or....
Graham
Thank you.
Amanda
Or maybe we should just......realize that what we've had these past few weeks has been perfect. And maybe it won't get any better than this. Maybe we're trying to figure this thing out......because it makes us feel good to feel this. Maybe the fact that l'm leaving in 8 hours......makes this far more exciting than it might actually be. Maybe.
Graham
You are, seriously, the most depressing girl l've ever met. l know. l have another scenario for you.
Amanda
Good.
Graham
l'm in love with you. l apologize for the blunt delivery. But as problematical as this......fact may be, l am in love. With you. l'm not feeling this because you're leaving. And not because it feels good to feel this way. Which, by the way, it does--Or did, before you went off like that. l can't figure out the mathematics of this. l just know l love you.

Can't believe how many times l'm saying it. And l never thought l'd feel this way again, so that's pretty phenomenal. And l realize l come with a package deal: Three for the price of one. And my......package, perhaps in the light of day, isn't all that wonderful......but l finally know what l want, and that, in itself, is a miracle. And what l want.....is you.
Amanda
l wasn't expecting ''l love you.'' Can you not look at me like that? l'm trying to find the right thing to say.
Graham
l think if the obvious response......doesn't immediately come to you, we can......just....We should just......talk about something else. Like, possibly, what a complete ass l am. l do recall you promising me you wouldn't fall in love with me. Must pay better attention.
Amanda
l've never met a guy who talks as much as me. But could you just for now......be quiet? Please?
Miles
How many of his movies are on that list of his?
Irish
About 1 5. l love it.
Miles
l don't know how l've never seen The Lady Eve before.
Irish
Barbara Stanwyck is dazzling. And she's so sure of herself.

Miles
And sexy.
Irish
Really sexy! You know, every movie he's told me to see......has this powerhouse woman in it.
Miles
Wonder if he's trying......to tell you something with that. Okay, sorry about that. Boob graze. That was accidental. Accidental boob graze. l'm sorry.
Irish
Changing subject.
Miles
Okay.
Irish
Arthur has requested......that you write some lyrics for his theme song. What's the matter? Who is it?
Miles
lt's Maggie. Hello? Hi. l'm doing okay. Actually, Maggie, l'm a bit tied up at the moment. l don't know. What time could you be there? All right, l'll be there. Oh, no, no. Like, a half-hour. Maybe a little longer. Okay, bye. She misses me.
Irish
You see? She came to her senses. We should get the bill.
Miles
No! No, no, take your time. l can wait till you're finished.
Irish
l'm finished.
Miles
No. You didn't get to your spicy tuna yet.
Irish
l'm fine, really. You can go. l can get this one. l'll see you later at the Writers Guild. l mean, if you can still make it.
Miles
l gotta get all the way to Silver Lake, but l'm gonna try to be there. Anyway, l'm bringing the music. l mean, l really wanna be there......but l don't know how long this is gonna take. l'm sorry.
Irish
lt's all good. Don't worry. Good luck.
Miles
Thank you.
Jasper
Hello.
Irish
Oh, Jasper! l'm just reading your pages. No, l hadn't forgotten. l've just been busy, that's all. That's not true. l was gonna call you when l'd read--What kind of surprise? No, l don't see a box or anything. Yes, l'm sure. Hold on, let me just check the kitchen. No, not in there. Well, l'll go and check the gate. Yes. Well, when did you send it?

Jasper
l found your Christmas present.
Jasper
This place suits you.
Irish
Yeah, right.
Jasper
No, really. So you are eventually gonna look at me, aren't you? Hello. l came here because l had to see you. Had to.
Irish
Oh, Jasper, l really don't understand this. l mean....l was right there for three years! Remember? Square peg, round hole? What? That's what you said. That we weren't really right for each other. We were a square peg and a round hole.
Jasper
l don't remember that. l just know l hated when you were gone. And also, l have never checked my e-mails more. lt was driving me crazy that l wasn't hearing from you. l don't want to lose you, babe.
Irish
Lose me? This is too confusing.
Jasper
Come here.


Maggie
l screwed up. Miles, haven't you ever screwed up? l made a mistake. l was stupid and impulsive. He wasn't what l thought. l just started thinking about you......and wishing and hoping that you would just forgive me. Will you, Miles? Will you forgive me?
Jasper
You know what l was thinking? When you get back to London......maybe we could sneak off somewhere together. Maybe Venice. You and me in Venice could be good.
Irish
Do you mean that? l mean....Are you free to do that?
Jasper
Darling......l've just traveled halfway across the world to see you, haven't l?
Irish
Yeah, that doesn't exactly answer my question, so....Are you not with Sarah anymore? L mean......is that what you've come here to tell me?
Jasper
l wish you could just accept knowing how confused l am about all this.
Irish
Okay, let me translate that. So you are still engaged to be married.
Jasper
Yes, but, l mean—
Irish
Oh, my God. Okay, this was a really......close call. You know, l never thought
l'd say this, literally never......but l think you were absolutely right about us. Very square peg, very round hole!
Jasper
You cannot mean that.
Irish
The great thing is l actually do. And l'm about three years late in telling you this......but nevertheless l need to say it. Jasper....Wait. l need the lights on. Jasper......you have never treated me right. Ever.
Jasper
Oh, babe.
Irish
You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault......my misunderstanding, and l was too in love with you......to ever be mad at you, so l just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday......and telling me that you don't want to lose me......whilst you're about to get married.....somehow newly entitles me to say......it's over. This-- This twisted, toxic thing between us......is finally finished! l'm miraculously done being in love with you! l've got a life to start living. And you're not going to be in it.
Jasper
Darling....
Irish
Now l've got somewhere really important to be......and you have got to get the hell out. Now!
Jasper
What exactly has got into you?
Irish
l don't know. But l think what l've got is something slightly resembling......gumption.
Arthur
lris......you're a knockout.
Irish
Thank you. And may l say, so are you.
Arthur
Did l do my tie okay? l haven't worn one in 1 5 years.
Irish
lt's perfect.
Arthur
l like this Hugo Boss. He cuts a nice suit. l've got something for you. Forgive me. The last time l had a date, this is what we did.
Irish
lt's beautiful.
Arthur
lf it's corny, or if it's going to ruin your outfit......you don't have to wear it.
Irish
l like corny. l'm looking for corny in my life.
Arthur
That's a nice line.
Irish
lt's all those movies!
Arthur
Okay, let's do it. Let's get this embarrassment over with.
Irish
Okay.
A young man on WGA
Mr. Abbott?
Arthur
Yes, sir.
A young man on WGA
We're all ready for you.
A young man
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Arthur Abbott!
Arthur
Oh, hi!
Everyone
Arthur, you made it.
Arthur
Thank you. Thank you too. Thank you very much.
A young man on WGA
l'll take you up, Mr. Abbott.

Everyone
Go on, go for it.
Arthur
l'll do it.
Miles
The man is a rock star.
Irish
Hi!
Miles
Sorry l'm late. The Maggie thing took a little time, but it is over. Finished, kaput. You look beautiful.
Irish
Thanks.
Arthur
Thank you, thank you. l'm--l'm absolutely overwhelmed......that l could climb those stairs.
Everyone
He did great.
Arthur
l came to Hollywood over 60 years ago......and immediately fell in love with motion pictures. And it's a love affair that's lasted a lifetime. When l first arrived in Tinseltown......there were no cineplexes or multiplexes. No such thing as a Blockbuster or DVD. l was here before conglomerates owned the studios. Before pictures had special effects teams. And definitely before box office results were reported......like baseball scores on the nightly news.
Irish
He is so fantastic.
Miles
lrish?
Irish
Yes?
Miles
What are you doing New Year's Eve?
Irish
l'll be back in England by New Year's Eve.
Miles
You know, l've never been to England. l've never been to Europe.
Irish
No?
Miles
lf l come over there, will you go out with me on New Year's Eve?
Irish
Love to.
Amanda
We're not gonna make a bigger deal out of this than it already is.

Graham
No, we're not.
Amanda
lt's not like we're never going to speak or e-mail or
Graham
No set rules.
Amanda
None. So now l'm just gonna kiss you for the millionth time......and say, ''Be seeing you.'' Be seeing you.
Graham
Take care of yourself.
Limo driver
Did you have a good holiday, miss?
Amanda
Yeah. Great. Maybe the best ever.
Movie trailer narrator
Amanda Woods......welcome back.
Amanda
Turn around! Turn around and go back, please!
Limo driver
Did you forget something?
Amanda
Yes! Yes. Can you go any faster?
Limo driver
This lane's tricky. lt's gonna take a bit.
Amanda
lt's okay, just stop.
Limo driver
Madam? Madam!
Amanda
Graham? Graham. You know......l was just thinking......why would l ever leave before New Year's Eve? That makes no sense at all. l mean, you didn't exactly ask me out......but you did say you loved me......so l'm thinking l've got a date. lf you'll have me.
Graham
l have the girls New Year's Eve.
Amanda
Sounds perfect.
Irish
l'm coming to get you! You look just like an angel on the top of the Christmas tree. You got so big. Give us a kiss. Come and tell me all about your Christmas presents. Go sit with Miles.
Miles
Sweetie.
Miles
l challenge ye.

Amanda
Me?
The love train is leaving the station.
Everybody
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, everybody!




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